


Donut Go Breaking My Heart

by Anonymous



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Donuts, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Lots of donuts, M/M, the author is hungry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23838796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Lance was just about to bite into his donut when a curious thought flickered into his mind. “I wonder if anyone has ever put their dick in a donut.”"What the fuck, Lance."In which the team can finally eat something other than food goo and donut shaped chaos ensues.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	Donut Go Breaking My Heart

The whole team were eating donuts. Each of the members had their own unique one specialised to them. Given to them as gifts from Brogan, a planet renowned for their baking skills.

Hunk had cried when he heard of the planet’s existence. The team had looked on amused, as the yellow paladin sobbed, simply unable to hold back tears at the thought of finally finding _his people_ in the vast seemingly endless expanse of the universe. The other paladins were happy too, of course, desperate to eat something that wasn’t food goo or some weird kind of alien meat– Keith always tried to look sympathetic at their plight but nonetheless gobbled up the meat while the rest looked miserably at their own plates. 

The only ones who had not quite understood their buzzing excitement as they headed towards the planet, was Allura and Coran. Their alien taste buds couldn’t distinguish between levels of sweetness in foods. The absence of which, Hunk described as an absolute _travesty._ Despite this impairment of the taste buds, Allura and Coran were still happy for the paladins, politely nodding along as they ranted about their favourite foods.

Their excitement was palpable, but it wasn’t always that way. At first the group were concerned with the suggestion because, despite their mouths unwillingly salivating at the thought, these donuts were apparently infused with some sort of sacred blessing from the civilians of Brogan. Coran assured them, however, that it was nothing to worry about! It was simply made with the tears of the king’s first-born son!

Grossed out but still willing, the paladins accepted the donut offering, and now sat together at the round table in the palace of Brogan, which was adorned with jewels. The brightness of the room was straining on the eyes, the vivid colour of the jewels blending to create a technicoloured psychedelic effect. But with just a few minutes of adjustment, it no longer pained their eyes to look around and there was, to their surprise, a large crowd of green and strangely bulbous looking creatures. The Brogonians had brought an audience.

Coran informed the concerned paladins that the Brogonians simply considered watching others eat, especially ‘celebrities’, as a high form of entertainment. Unsettled but accepting the situation the paladins focused their attention on what was really important. Placed in the centre of the round table, was a pile of donuts.

Their slight disgust went away the moment they saw them.

They were beautiful. Perfectly glazed and iced, soft looking with sprinkles, and all coloured differently with bright blues, pinks, purples and oranges. They all drooled at the sight before taking one each, as unfortunately, the pile only consisted of seven donuts.

Hunk, in his excitement, ate the whole thing in one gulp, tears streaming down his face as he did so, only to immediately regret it when he had to torturedly watch, face anguished, as the rest of them ate their own.

Allura and Coran did the same, simply copying Hunk and consumed their donut in its entirety immediately, not understanding the appeal of savouring such a sweet delicious thing.

Shiro ate in small bites. Seeming to do so calmly. But what the others didn’t know was that he was screaming on the inside. He would rather die than tell anyone, but he had a donut addiction back on Earth and he hadn’t had one since the failed mission at Kerberos. So, at an attempt at maintaining his professionalism and pride as their leader, he withheld from screaming, and kept his cool as he patiently, yet painfully forced himself to slow down and enjoy it.

Pidge nibbled and chewed slowly, trying to make it last as long as possible. She knew that this was most likely the last donut she’d have for a while. That is if they didn’t die. Or until the next baking obsessed planet they encountered.

Keith just stared at his own, confused as if he’d never eaten a damn donut before in his life. A possibility which terrified Lance who was watching him. Keith’s hyper focus brought Lance back to his own donut. And just as he was lifting the delicious looking donut to his mouth he said, a curious thought flickering into his mind, “I wonder if anyone has ever put their dick in a donut.”

There was a brief moment of silence as the reality of Lance’s words set in. 

And then sighs of disappointment could be heard throughout the room as mouths exploded in a flurry of words.

“Jesus Christ Lance, why did you have to make this so disgusting?”

“I mean, I think it would be possible? But, Lance, would a dick even fit in a donut, wouldn’t it break?”

“Is it considered weird in human culture to insert a sexual organ into food? It’s quite common in Altea. In fact, I’d say it’s the second most popular object to stick sexual organs into after porcupines!”

“Why do you have to always think with your dick?”

Eventually Lance cut them off. “I was just curious! _Jeez_ , can’t a man just ask a question in peace?”

He picked up his donut in a huff, planning to ignore the disgusted looks he was being given when he suddenly slammed it down. A more interesting thought occurring to him. The act created a loud c noise on the plate, which he dutifully ignored. “Besides! While we’re criticising people’s choices, haven’t any of you noticed that Keith hasn’t even touched his donut?”

The all looked at Keith. Then to the donut which lay untouched and back to Keith again.

Under the intensity of their questioning gazes, Keith couldn’t help the warm flush of his cheeks. When they continued to stare, he shrugged awkwardly with one shoulder and said, “I don’t know… I’ve just never tasted one before, I wanted to absorb the moment a bit.”

Everyone gasped and the barrage of people talking over each other began again.

“How is that even possible? You didn’t have a childhood, Keith.”

“That’s just _wrong._ ”

“Guys we’re watching his first donut guys. He’s a donut virgin, let’s relish this moment!”

“Why? How?”

Keith’s shoulders were up to his ears now. “I don’t know. My dad just didn’t keep a lot of sweet foods in the house and then I went to the garrison and you know what _that’s_ like. There’s no way they’d let me eat a donut with their strict diet training. And _then_ I was living in a desert for a couple of years so– they weren’t exactly available to me is the point I’m getting at!”

Keith stared at their pitiful faces and sighed. “It’s not like I was abused or anything.”

Lance shook his head. “We know that, Keith. But you have to eat one! Now! We can’t, as your best friends, let this go on any longer!”

And then they were all chanting.

“EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!”

Keith sat uncomfortably as he slowly raised the donut to his mouth, the chanting growing in volume.

Keith’s eyes closed and he took a bite. The room dissolved into a silence as everyone leaned towards him, almost comically enthusiastic, on the edge of their seats.

One chew. Two chews. And then, Keith’s eyes flew open and he let out a pleased noise of satisfaction, ‘Mm, that’s good!”

Everyone whooped.

“Of course, you liked it, donuts are the best!” Hunk said.

“Fuck yeah!” Lance roared.

Everyone was cheering and pleased that their red paladin had finally experienced the joy of eating a delicious donut.

“Okay,” Lance said. “But why the hell was there only one for each of us? There’s no way we’re only having one each now.”

The team stilled, looking at their plates which only left a few disappointing crumbs. They were all in agreement. 

“We deserve way more. If there is one good thing that could come from training hours a day, it’d be donuts,” Pidge nodded. 

“Come on guys, don’t worry. Even if they don’t make it for us, we can just beg them to let us use their ingredients. I’ll make them for everyone,” Hunk said with eagerness.

“We could even make it a team bonding exercise!” Allura said, eyes gleaming.

Hunk rubbed the back of his head and forced a smile. “Yeah, sure Allura…”

Finished with his donut, Keith let out a sigh and the team turned their focus on him. He looked like a sad puppy. And Lance couldn’t let that continue. Not on his watch. They were going to get more donuts if it was the last thing he did.

—

A lot of begging and several food fights later, all of them covered in a disgustingly thick layer of dough and icing sugar, Keith said:

“Are we just going to ignore what Lance said before about sticking his dick in a donut?”

“Yes, we are,” they said in unison.

“Okay, what about the fact we all just ate donuts made from the tears of children’s tears?”

They all preferred to ignore that too.

Even later, still filled to the brim with donuts, Lance looked toward Keith and winked. “I watched you lose your donut virginity today. How do you feel about that?”

Keith stilled before snorting. “Probably not as uncomfortable as you might think.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lance said.

Keith’s impulsiveness decided to make an entrance. “It means I like you Lance.”

Keith stared at Lance as he waited for his reaction. And what a reaction he got. Red pinked the tips of Lance’s ears and a red with the intensity of a fire truck flooded Lance’s face. Lance was stuttering and spluttering, helpless in his ability to form words. “What?” He gulped. “What do mean? Do you mean what I think you mean?” He gulped again. “Do you know what I think you mean about what I think you mean? Wait what?” Confusing himself he shook his head and laughed, and Keith thought he looked beautiful.

“I’ve probably fucked this whole thing up, haven’t I?” Lance said. “Bumbling all over the place and saying stupid things.”

Keith didn’t think Lance had fucked anything up. He thought his nervousness was endearing. Incredibly endearing. Keith was enchanted by him. He thought Lance was smart, and funny, and kind and most of all handsome. But he didn’t know how to put all that into words.

So, he didn’t.

Instead, he pulled Lance gently towards him, tugging at his cotton shirt, which was still covered in dough and frosting, and kissed him. And after a few extremely tense seconds, Lance kissed him back.

Several hours later, with sore lips, wide smiles and the taste of donuts lingering in their mouths, Keith was confident Lance understood.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my poor attempt at humour!


End file.
